The internet can be a fantastic tool. I'll sit at work some times and try to think of something, a quote or something else, and type it into google, and I magically know what I want to know! Woot! Except when my overactive brain can use it to look up the prescriptions I got from the doctor. One side effect of the muscle relaxer I love? Coma. I'm sure that's a worse case scenario and something that the drug companies HAVE to say, but still. Unsettling. I'm half convinced that I'm gonna die now. I mean..obviously, some day, but like tonight since I'm so worried. I figured since they scared me the least in terms of everything I read on the handouts they give you, I would take them the most, and indeed, the doctor seemed to like that just fine. I think she likes that I'm not taking all the vicodin, but since I've been enjoying those ones the most (if enjoying is the word for it), I figured I should look it up and see if it's addictive or habit forming. People can not seem to agree on that, it goes from "all things are addictive, if you take them the wrong way", to "no way, that's not addictive". Ack. Stupid pills. One sentence I missed completely the first time I read through the medicine pamphlet? It may cause your urine to turn green - black. That's exactly how it's written...green - black. I do not know if this means from the color green to black and everything in between? Or just green or black. In any case, I've not experienced that FUN side effect. And I'm glad I noticed it the second time through the pamphlet. Imagine how much fun it would have been for me to see that my pee had turned BLACK? So. I took a anti-inflammatory (yay potential stomach bleeding!) this morning, waited, then took a muscle relaxers, one 500 mg. and washed that down with the antibiotic I have to take. I haven't taken anything since. I'm kind of afraid and I still feel pretty ok. I will take the anti-inflammatory, cause the doctor seemed to want me to keep taking that, and obviously, I'll take the antibiotic (potential for kidney stones, hurray!), and if I'm in pain, I'll take the muscle relaxer. And the vicodin if need be. But that's only if I get woken up by the pain and I'm angry. Then I take it.
Plus, Weather.com tells me it's going to be 91 tomorrow! I hate HOT weather. I guess I don't really like my birth month. I actually looked up at the ceiling and prayed to mother nature or whoever that it will NOT be that hot tomorrow. Please?
So, screw you internets! I'm angry that you provide me so readily with information to freak out about. I will say that I'm happy you provide me games to play for free though. I like games. They do not make me freak out. =)
All the back (OMG, almost a pun) posts, again! Leave me alone, it's almost my birthday!
Monday, July 7th Grr. My back sucks. I can make it through the day when my back is just tired feeling, but sleeping sucks. Or rather, lying down SUCKS. I have to roll around like a turtle just to get off the bed and it hurts when I sit up straight. Then I kind of launch myself off the bed into the wall and hand walk up it.
It's lame. I'm sick of it. I'm tempted to go to the damn doctor and get the medicine I hate. I was so hoping I'd feel much better by now. Meh. So I'm tired, I'm cranky, I cry at least once a night when I have to get up to use the bathroom...I'm surprised the boyfriend hasn't kicked me out of our bed. I don't know if sleeping on the couch would be better, or if the bed is better. The couch may be higher off the floor than the bed, which is nice. I dunno. I just wish that the shit hadn't happened days before my birthday. I can't even think about doing anything normally, and I'm already missing the fun time with the boyfriend. =( I don't think I'm gonna get any fun time until after I'm 28 at this point. Sure, only 5 days away, but I'm still irritated. I like to be able to do anything I want, when I want. Duh, right.
So...Uh. I'm done now. I must clock back into work. On the up side? I ONLY HAVE 3 MORE DAYS OF WORK. Hurray. Well, plus a few hours. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday, July 8th I’ve caved... I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I've decided that I can't deal with it anymore. I'm hoping for muscle relaxers to try and be able to sleep easily. =) ----------------------------------------------------------------- Wednesday, July 9th I like muscle relaxers Life is good again. I can barely even feel my back due to the muscle relaxers. I haven't even taken the vicodin they gave me. Plus, I got some antibiotics on the side for a different problem I was having. Yay. Now I can sunburn more easily. BOO on that. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Thursday, July 10th How awesome are the people I work with? Pretty fantastic. I got snacks when I came in, and headphones as a present. Plus some gift certificates for coffee! Oh how these people know me. My headphones are Skull Candy, and they match my iPod! I'm all accessorized people! ----------------------------------------------------------------- I rock! I made it through 64 hours of work! Ok, a little less, as I got the doctor visit time off. So perhaps I only really worked 62 hours or something, but I MADE IT. Back problems and all. I so needed to prove I could do this to myself.
Today? I feel pretty good. Last night I took two muscle relaxers and a vicodin and I thought..well, hell, at least I'll stay asleep. Um. Not entirely, and I still hurt. Was lame! I would have had better luck with sleeping pills, I think. Today has been a GOOD day. =) Plus, I was listening to my iPod in Tara's office at work, and this guy I work with was like O_o..you like the Daddies. I was just like...how do you NOT know this? I freaked out about going to the concert not that long ago. Maybe he wasn't there then? I can't even remember now. I guess I think that people just KNOW me. Instantly. LOL. Off for dinner now. And to take my cocktail of medicines. HURRAY. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Friday, July 11th Maybe I can jinx myself. Wouldn’t that be fun?
I woke up this morning feeling "normal". No weird back feeling.. I know this is most likely due to the mini-pharmacy I have to take every day, but I asked the doctor today how long I'd have to take it and she was noncommital. Just tried to allay my fears of stomach bleeding from the anti-inflammatory she prescribed. If it's why I feel better, I'm all for it, but it's hard for a hypochondriac like me to dismiss normal feelings while on medication, cause OMGZ! maybe I'm having a reaction. I'm not kidding. It's crazy in my brain. But this medicine also says "not to lay down for 30 minutes after taking it"...makes me feel like it may just chew a hole through my esophagus if I lie down. And I think that I may have to try this whole "drinking responsibly" thing that people talk about, as both of the medicines I really need say to limit alcohol use, due to it increasing my drowsiness. I don't need to fall asleep halfway through my party. I'm so happy that I feel better though. So very happy. And it's weird, cause last night I had to get out of bed and it was AGONY. I finally got up, cried all the way to the bathroom and cried all the way back. Yet, I feel like something resembling normal today. Weird, body, just weird.
I got to go for my first physical in I don't know how long today. The answer to which arm to draw blood from is the left one. The right one will yield no blood, but the left arm is a champ. She even took the tourniquet off after she saw how nicely the vials were filling up. Yay veins! You rock! I have to go back for more blood, as I guess I need to fast beforehand for some tests. They scheduled me for next Friday, but I may cancel that one, as I took a vacation day next Friday solely for the purpose of hanging out with Heather after the baseball game we're going to.
And tomorrow is PARTY DAY, and my birthday and I'm excited. Hurray for good days! May it be as awesome as it seems like it may be. -------------------------------------------------------------- Things I forgot to mention before..
My house is about as clean as it's going to get. The rest of the foodstuffs and alcohol is bought. No one told me what they like, so it's rum and rum only. My birthday music playlist is complete! YAY, so happy about that one. It was harder than I thought.
Things that sucked today: 1. My dad knows when the mail arrives, or at least thinks he does, so no money today. Probably tomorrow, the actual birthday. Though I think it's gotten here after my birthday before. Really dad, why must you wait until the last minute? It's better than nothing, and I still have hope that Grandpa will send out birthday money. Mom will probably send nothing, but even just a card would be nice. Hell, a MySpace comment would be nice. Meh. 2. Jake and Karen were here and I couldn't suck up my courage enough to ask them for the child support, even though I SHOULD mention these things, cause it seems like she often calls and says..oh, I had it, but I totally forgot. 3. Ben is still out for Magic tonight and I'm BORED. Plus, I'm trying to avoid cleaning the bathroom mirror. It's bothering me with it's dirtiness.
Things that did not suck. 1. I got to see my kid today! I swear he must be a foot taller. Definitely closer to shoulder height and he HAD to point it out and put his arm around me at every chance. It would appear that he's missed me as well, if it was any indication by how much he hung on me during dinner. 2. They bought me a birthday dinner, steak at Roadhouse, which has the yummy rolls. So I even got to have dinner with my kid. 3. I got everything done that I wanted to. 4. I didn't take an allergy pill at ALL today, and so far, so good. YAY allergies being gone!
I ALMOST feel normal right now. I felt pretty normal last night too, almost to the point of being optimistic about my back maybe not hurting anymore. But this morning was rough, as evidenced by my early morning blog here. I feel better, perhaps it's because it's more stretched out than it was this morning? I don't know..it could have been that I got less than 6 hours of sleep after I could finally fall asleep last night, and then woke myself up at 5:25 with a tummy ache. Stupid frozen Mac-N-Cheese. =( It always affects my stomach that way, but it's so YUMMY. Right now, this moment, I feel almost normal. Like my back isn't even a problem. I'm going to continue to try and hold my body the right way so that I don't re-injure the spot. I'm going to be super careful about everything, including pushing myself...which I do too much. I very much want to not be in pain during my birthday. It's just that I know that moving in any way wrong will send off a fresh twinge. And it's bad. My whole body freezes when my back twinges. I can feel it in my thighs when it happens. My whole lower body is sore from re-adjusting my body to not put pressure on that one damn spot. I've always had back problems, I REALLY went out of control when I did that one stupid thing at work 6 years ago. Since then it doesn't take much to make it hurt this bad. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should NOT have done that stupid thing at work. I should have swallowed my damn pride and asked for help. Meh. It's too late now. And I think most of you know how loathe I am to ask for help. I used to tell people "I'm not an invalid" when they would try to help me when I was pregnant. A time when I should have allowed myself to be spoiled. OK. Enough shit about my back. Today at work actually went well. Someone called in, but it turned out that we didn't really need her, and that means we had one less person to deal with. I LIKE working on the weekends, as it's a lot calmer than during the week. When I started my "work week", I was looking at 64 hours. As of right now, I only have a regular 40 hours to go. After tomorrow, which should go fast, I'll be halfway there! WOOT! I'm going to get a fat paycheck, sadly, it won't be until the 21st. Well after my birthday party. I'll just need to adjust accordingly, and perhaps Ben and I can go out and have dinner when I get paid, and maybe even have a bar night before the kid gets home. =)
Speaking of my kid. He's doing great. Not real sure about living with another child, I think. He's torn. I think he'll be more excited about it when she is a couple more years older? Unless he's just a sullen teen by then. They are off camping for a week, and going to stop by on the way back to Portland next Friday. So I get to see my kid before my birthday!
Sometimes it seems fine and then it will twinge and I'm hurting all over again. It probably doesn't help that I'm overcompensating for the back strain by putting more weight on other places. Now my stomach is cramping and screaming at me.
Could this have happened when I was working for 8 days in a row? Perhaps AFTER my birthday?
I don't know if I'll make it without the damn doctor at this point. Last time it was this bad, I had to take vicodin and muscle relaxers. With a stern warning that the muscle relaxers were addictive. I didn't finish either prescription, I HATE taking pills, especially highly addictive ones. =( I'm still gonna have my damn party. I may be stoned on muscle relaxers, but there WILL be a party. =(
This would be why I can’t be bothered to blog anything..
1. I just started a work week that is going to go through next Thursday. Yay for the money. I just hope I can hack it.
2. I've been cleaning while I'm not at work so that I can have my birthday party. Which brings us to..
3. I tweaked my back something fierce yesterday doing normal stuff. I suppose the shopping the night before; nor the naughty time helped much. But the shopping needed to be done and the naughty time was worth it.
So, for an update: Definite party goers : Jenn and family, Tammi (and family?), Eileen, Alma, Jess from work (I know a LOT of Jess'), Cat said she'd stop by (I'm thinking she meant Good Times as she didn't ask for directions. lol!), Sidney, Patrick, Ben and myself.
Maybe : Becca (wouldn't that be awesome?), Liz and family (I really hope so!), um...that may be all of my "maybes".
No idea: Heather mostly (Don't you love me anymore Heather?). Plus a few other people that I spammed with MySpace comments in the hopes of seeing them. No confirmations yet though. Meh.
Can't : All of my family (=(), Ariel (stupid conference), and probably all my other out of town friends.
Ok, so party has been broken down for you now. =) Guess what: 9 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY! WOOT! And it's only supposed to be 77 degrees. Even better.
In all seriousness? I need to know how many things to buy, so RSVP now. I already bought some hamburgers and hot dogs. Now I need to know how much of sides I should buy along with that. Also, how much alcohol I should even try and have. I can't imagine that I'll get it right on the head, but it would be nice to have some idea. Here's an idea. No RSVP-No drink or food. lol!
I suppose I should stop saying MY Grandma, as half my preferred list are relatives who share Grandma. I feel proprietary I guess. I'm having a hard time lately. I've always felt that if Grandma were still alive, she would have kept my mom in line. Away from the drugs and everything else. But recently, I wonder if that's the case. Cause you see, EVERYONE of my aunts and uncles seem to have problems. Perhaps it's just the way life worked out, but when most of the family ends up angry, bitter, and fucked up, it's hard to believe that my Grandma didn't put some sort of snowball effect in motion. That she was perhaps not the best mother herself? It feels disloyal to share these thoughts out loud, cause she was always so strong to me. But I don't know what else to think. Let me share a better story with you. Well, kind of a better story. When I was younger...probably around 4 or 5, Grandma had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who rode a motorcycle. One time I really wanted to ride the motorcycle, so I begged and begged. I got my chance and my Grandma's boyfriend (who I'm pretty sure I thought of as Grandpa up until that point) took me out riding. We went back to his apartment, where he asked me if I wanted to take my clothes off. (I know, I know I should stop there. Like people can't see from a mile away what's coming, but I need to END this story, so now you can have it in your mind. Hurray, aren't you lucky?) I responded with a quick no, to which he said something along the lines of he was going to. He walked around that apartment naked for what felt like ages. He didn't force me to DO anything, but it was not ok overall. I think that's what I forget. Just because he didn't MAKE me do anything does not mean it was ok for him to run around naked in front of a child. And I don't mean that he was a nudist or something, it felt like a BAD naked, if that makes any sense. But I got home and told my Grandma right away. I NEVER saw that guy again. I can only imagine that my Grandma send him away. SHE BELIEVED ME. She TOOK CARE OF IT. All that brings me to believe that she's a good person. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm crazy. (hah) Who knows what might have happened before I came along? Who knows what she subjected her own children too, but she stuck up for me in that instance. And I can only be grateful. I've read about many stories such as mine that don't end as well. Where people are not believed, or maybe even didn't feel comfortable enough to come forward. My own weird crap doesn't really end there, I feel like I've been taken advantage of many ways, by many people, but maybe that's all perception? And I don't know if that first experience made me a target or what? Perhaps it did. Perhaps ever since then I've been easy prey. All I can think is that that particular story had a happy ending. And that I still miss my Grandma wildly. I still wish that things were different and that she was alive today. I don't have any pictures, only memories. I asked my mom for pictures, but that was along time ago and I've heard nothing in a few years since I asked, so I guess I don't get them. I have pictures of her back yard. I have pictures of her dog. I remember going downstair at her house head over feet and "knocking" at my uncle's Brian's door with my feet after I fell. lol. I miss that house too. All right, I'm so done with the Grandma stuff tonight. I leave you with this - I wish that you had all known my funny, fearless (besides water on her face, would not EVER take a shower, only baths), take no shit Grandma. Especially my sisters and younger cousins. I KNOW I benefited from knowing her, I can only imagine how much the people who didn't know her would have benefited from her.
Sometimes I wonder if I don’t NEED to believe in ghosts
As if it's not enough that I watch the Haunting show, now I can't seem to keep myself from watching Paranormal State. This year (in about 9 months) will signify my Grandma being dead for 20 years. I'm not sure how someone who was in my life for so little time overall makes such an impact on me, but she still does. And if there are ghosts, I believe she's watching over me as a ghost herself. Does any of that make sense? No logic here today people. My Grandma was in the hospital for a long time before she died. It was not surprising, as she had cancer. Lung cancer, a big one if I do say so myself. I do not have one single picture of her, but I do have her sewing machine. Which I have no idea how to run, but it's a part of her that I am severely loathe to lose. A part that really only fell into my lap when my family moved and couldn't take it with them. Did I mention that I miss her? Her crazy blue eyeliner that she used to make cat eyes? Or her perm to make her hair more full of body? I feel directly connected to her, and I don't really know why. I know that I was one of the 3 oldest grandchildren who really felt like I knew her. And the only girl grandchild. Did that have any bearing on how much she loved me? Perhaps. I remember her Cabbage Patch Dolls, and how I opened at least one after she died. She had kept them closed up, like a smart person. I opened the world traveler one with the kilt and lost it pretty quickly. I believe I lost it in the car crash...so actually it was about 3 years before I lost it. I miss her terribly. I wonder what she would have thought of my child. I wonder how we could have got to know each other better. I remember how Anthony and I went trick or treating on the streets around the hospital. I remember how they x-rayed our candy for fun. (That whole urban legend thing about razors in apples was still running around.) I remember spending a LOT of time around the hospital towards the end. How she refused to stop smoking even when she knew she was going to die. (I remember how I took up smoking a few short years later KNOWING it would drive my mom crazy since Grandma had died that way.) I remember how we were all at her house (they must have known she was gonna die soon, cause I remember everyone being together for some reason) and I remember watching my mom start to cry while on the phone and KNOWING that my Grandma was dead. That was the only thing that could have brought those tears. I remember her funeral, and touching her out of curiousity (my 8 year old self..my kid is older than that now and I don't think he's EVER seen a dead person at this point) and how she felt so cold. Hard and cold. How she looked and felt fake. It's hard to believe that I still miss her. I didn't even know her that long compared to how old I am. but I do. I miss her a lot. I'm going to go into more detail in a preferred person only post shortly. Like I try to say everytime I write one, I'm not trying to seclude people, if you want to know me more personally than I share already, let me know. I'll add you. Why does that feel like a threat almost? Enough of my morbidity. I hope that I haven't just drug down everyone's weekend. I just needed to say something about my Grandma.
I'm watching "A Haunting" cause I can. (YAY for a day off!) As "left brain" as I am, I must admit that I'm not entirely sure of the non-existence of ghosts. Aliens, I have no problem not believing in, but ghosts are entirely another subject. Maybe it's completely ridiculous, but the way I feel when alone in a quiet house has nothing to do with logic. I'm feeling bad for the kid in this one. He just keeps trying to tell his parents about this "ghost" or "demon" or whatnot, and they don't believe him. Could I believe Derek if he said that same thing? Without seeing anything weird? This is like the boogeyman in the closet thing. Who believes their child when they think there's someone under the bed? Granted, you do look for someone or something, but do any of us parents really believe there could be something there? I'm freaking myself out, my favorite thing to do, so I shall go and watch the rest of this and hope the boy who had to be taken to the mental institute gets to come home and stops being a hazard to the other people's health. Again, what else could you do? If one of your children was hurting the other? I'd have to seperate them, and if it got that bad, I'd probably have to send them to an institute. How heart wrenching. What an awful decision.
On a completely unrelated side note, I really want to get my hair cut short, but I don't know how short I can go without looking like an idiot. Someone thought I meant a bob, but I'm pretty sure I'd just look like a mushroom. I want something sleek that requires a minimum of care. Cause I'm lazy. Meh. Maybe I'll figure something out. Maybe not. We'll see. I really like the way Kathy Brier looks, but I'm afraid I couldn't pull that off. Opinions anyone?
Super Quick Update (originally from Sunday, here I am, not keeping up again.)
This weekend has been pretty much kick ass. 1. Sidney's party was fantastic. The hill getting there kicked my ass. I wondered if I would really make it a few times. I'm more than a little pissed at myself that Ben handled it a lot better and he smokes every day, while I pretty much only socially smoke. Shows how out of shape I am. I should climb Willamette hill every damn day, people. It's a great work out. Coming down was interesting. Made it, even with gravity working against me, but different parts of my legs are sore than are usually since I don't usually walk down an incline like that. 2. Today at work was busy, went quickly and Ruby invited me out for some beers after work. She's leaving for Equador and Chile tomorrow for a month. I'm going to miss her, but at least she's not "leaving" leaving. Just taking an extra long vacation. We lost a lot of people this year. =( Going out was awesome, everyone is always so nice and I got to talk to Jen quite a bit. Probably too much, with my incessant talking when I really get going. 3. My Monday is already over! And it's only Sunday. I love getting a head start on the week. Sunday is the latest day I can start work, most of the time, and it's nice to sleep in then put in 6 hours on a "Monday", rather than 8. 4. I should get the hell off the computer now. I've been too addicted to Risk lately. I seem to win a lot when I play on-line against 2 computer players. Go figure. (That's wasn't that quick, now was it? lol)
I've been inordinately pleased with my kid's report card. In true me fashion, I'm focusing on the good, which is that my kid rocks the math and reading tests. Better than average.
Plus...well, he's rocking the algebraic problems and the decimals, and all I can think while looking at it is "screw those fractions!" Fractions are stupid, but Algebra is important. Don't ask me why I've had such a problem with fractions while decimals are completely normal to me, but somehow I've transferred it on to my child? Again, not something I'd consider genetic, so how the hell does this happen? He loves video games (I blame Jake), and Algebra. Which I blame me for. =) YAY ALGEBRA. One of the interns and myself were talking earlier today and he said..that's how I knew I was a dork. I found out that little fact about myself all over again daily. I'm a big dork. lol. Beyond my math dorkiness, I've done good things tonight. I wrote Juliette a letter. I've been meaning to since she wrote us before Christmas, but I kept thinking that I didn't know what to say to her. The truth is? She could totally be my sister, so it wasn't that hard, and I feel better for knowing that I'm going to put a smile on her face. And long before I had a boyfriend that made me dinner EVERY night (I'm not even kidding), I used to cook. It would not be apparent at all tonight as I've put together the following dinner for myself since I am too lazy to walk to Fred Meyer's - Two hash brown patties. A hamburger...well, a cheeseburger, sans bun. That's my dinner. Sometimes I think I'm a big smart dork, and sometimes I think I'm this close to stupidest person ever. lol! =)
"How can I deal with this, if you won’t get with this?"
So, I'm sitting here bored as hell. Is it obvious? Pretty much. I'd play some online game, but then I'll forget that I'm cooking. Then you can all read about me in the news when my house burns down. Yay. I've just finished my awful awards show. I only say awful cause most people would say so. I really loved it actually, but I'm pretty fond of awards shows. I'm sitting here listening to Fiona Apple, The Offspring, and No Doubt. Quite a mix. That's the lovely thing about my iPod. I can get 900 songs on it and it's all a crazy mix. I've been drinking a bit, if I can't type, that's why. I'm debating answering a message while I'm drunk and completely honest. What I tend to forget is that I should wear my diplomat hat. I really should. Anyhow. Ha. I think I'll avoid MySpace from here on out tonight. Who knows what I might say. =S
I'm so very excited, I should have known that people would pull through for me. I forget that tone isn't always obvious via internet, so my bulletin on MySpace probably came across as "poor me", which was not how I intended it.
However, in the meantime (and hopefully not out of pity, lol!) people sent me messages saying they'd love to come to a birthday thing. So it looks like I'm gonna have a real party! Certain people I know are out, as they are going to be going to the Country Fair (mainly Jesse, which is sad, but unavoidable), but Jenn wants to come, Alma wants to come, I think I could coerce a few more people from work, and I got a tentative yes from Liz, so that's awesome. I think I could coerce Sidney too, she's pretty awesome about coming to my birthday parties. Plus, I'll have to convince Heather that she must come. Cause she HAS to. =) This is going to be kid-friendly, just so everyone knows. Not that that means it can't be fun, just that things are easier for families when they can bring children along. I personally like kids (just not teenagers), especially other people's children. lol. I feel like if I put enough effort into this it could actually become the kind of awesome party I've been lucky enough to attend. Some I've even been lucky enough to throw. I have MySpace at my disposal, along with word of mouth. Perhaps my house is out in Springfield, but that doesn't mean anything I'm finding out.
And really? I go into Eugene for other people's parties, so how is that any different? Sure, they could say that Springfield is a "bad area" but so the hell is Eugene in spaces. I'll tell you this, I've never had anyone try to break into my house and I've heard of friends in Eugene who this has happened to. So screw that stereotype. Besides, I live in Springfield and we all know I'm awesome. (I'm obviously wearing my "full of myself" hat today.)
So it sounds like we shall barbecue on Saturday, July 12th at 6 at my house. If you want to come, RSVP please. Also, you may need my address. Most of you wouldn't, but some of you may not know where I live. =)
Sadly, a TON of the people here on MySpace are my relatives and I'd love to see anyone of them at one of my birthday parties, but they all live too far away. Oh well. =S At least I get to have a party! =)
I shared a bit of TMI with the lovely people over at TMI_Chix on LJ and I must say that it's making me happy. They think it's funny, plus everyone loves the Bruce icon I stoleborrowed from someone on LJ. (Ariel? You're reading this? An appearance from you would pretty much make my birthday, just so you know.)
My attitude is not much better, as you can see. I'm torn between being hateful and wanting to cry. So far, both days this week I've talked myself into coming in. I've not felt like it, especially after being screwed royally by my boss yesterday, but I'm here.
I make myself come in; only to find that 3 people have called in sick. I don't want to do anything today. I'm so goddamn angry, I don't want to work on the damnable schedule that helps my anger, I don't want to even look at my boss, let alone point out certain truths to her, like how a certain someone calls in sick when she has late shifts. If only I'd thought of that, cause boy it sure seems to be working for her.
I'm just vile today. Don't mind me. Once I get past Wednesday, I should be fine. Another thing that would have screwed me? That I would have done to myself? I could have not been able to get home on that Sunday that I volunteered to work for (originally for O/T, although NOW that's not what she meant at all, of course!) since another person had to be a middle person. Luckily, someone really awesome is working with me, and she's agreed to take me home.
I need to remember that when things don't go my way, it's the way I take it that matters and I'll get back to my more normal self shortly, right now I just wish I could be away from this place for like a week. I'll just make myself a mental note that when people offer things special around here, they don't always follow through. It just seems like they do follow through on extra stuff when it's other people. I'm not pushy enough, I guess.
Behold the drama of ME! Yes, me, I'm full of it. I've decided that EVERYTHING is against me this week. Emo much? I sure can be.
Not only does everyone seem determined to screw me this week; my own BRAIN gave me a nice little dream last night where Derek's messed up tooth came out at the root all bloody and hurting him. Yay brain! I will admit that I'm not as worried about his tooth when I'm not right next to him cringing at every bite, determined that the damn thing is going to come out. I'm not missing that fun bit of craziness that my brain has thrown at me.
I so need to get out of my house and mind this weekend! Sidney's party can't come fast enough.
Life is a lot quieter without him around. I keep feeling like he's just asleep or something, and then Saturday night I realized that I could be as loud as I wanted at midnight, cause he really wasn't sleeping. It's weird. You'd think I'd be used to it, but I'm not quite there yet. So far so good, no phone calls about him losing his tooth piece or anything. Ben and I had an ok weekend. Would have been better if I wasn't totally broke, but that is just the way life works. Oh well. Some other weekend. We are actually going to Sidney's birthday party on Saturday, so that's something to look forward to. I'm not sure how far it is from the closest bus stop, but it should be an adventure none the less! And I'm promising myself that I won't make myself sick or stupid.
My house is still really clean and I'm so appreciating it. We actually got the dishes done yesterday while they were still not bad, so it looks pretty awesome. Ben goes out Friday for his magic thing, and I'll have to figure out something to do for dinner. I know that there is an awards show I'd like to watch that night that he would be happy to miss, so at least I have a minor plan.
I slept like crap last night. Pretty much par for the course after my kids leaves. I hope it'll get better after a few days, cause I feel pretty dumb today after sleeping so badly. And I realized that the monster bottle of allergy medicine I bought awhile ago expired in April this year. I can't bring myself to throw out more than a month's worth, so I'm still taking them. I'm kind of sneezy, but I don't want to claw my eyes out so that's something. I so wanted to call in sick today after the non-sleeping, but I knew I should just get up and deal. So I did. Yay for me. I rock. This is why I have like 90 hours of sick time...cause I can't bring myself to consider myself sick enough to call in. Unlike other people who shall remain nameless. Before the whole sleeping like crap thing, I was doing pretty well. I got sucked into America's Best Dance Crew. I feel guilty for liking it so much, but then I realized that even Ben got sucked in. He was talking about their synchronicity and stuff, so I didn't feel as bad. Now if I can just remember that it's on on Thursdays, perhaps I'll actually get to see it more often. This whole week is just laid out before me full of suck. I don't know why, but it already feels like it's going to be a long week. I should know better, before I even know it the kid will be back and it'll be back to school time. lol.
I'm half convinced that the world is coming to an end. What's with all the weather stuff? Like flooding in Iowa? Next thing you know, it'll be snowing here in June or something. *knock on wood*. Perhaps I should not watch the weather channel before I leave for work?
Last week I slept better, but had weird dreams. Dreams where I screamed and ranted at Ben for some reason or another. I may have even threw something at him. I come out of these dreams feeling disoriented. I've very much felt the impotent rage that I feel in such dreams, but I've never actually yelled at people or thrown things at them. ONE TIME I threw my wallet across the room and it was loud, but I just blamed it on the kid at that point. I was so very angry, but nothing I could say or do would make any difference. Which is the way these dreams always feel, but instead of making peace with it, I just scream and hurl things. I'm not a very nice person in my dreams. And no, nothing is wrong with Ben and I, I just get these weird dreams. Last night we were talking about how long it had been and Ben said 6 years, and I was all like...NOPE, 7! lol! Granted, it's only just become 7 in March, so I'm gonna let that one slide. =)
Ok, I'm done being boring. For now.
I'm still debating over my birthday and what I shall do. I'm not so good with throwing parties and it's rather unfair right now cause it's perfect timing. My kid is gone, I have no neighbor to annoy, and my house is really freaking clean. *sigh* Meh. Now I'm really done. =p
Thursday, June 12th through Monday, June 16th, 2008
WOOT! I'm caught up! I rock. Probably for about ten seconds. Meh. ------------------------------------------------------- Monday, June 16th Title: Attitude I'm full of it today.
I'm trying to realize that it's all in the way I take it, but I'm kind of pissed. Situation: My boss appeared the be throwing around over time. Something that would be fantastic right about now..no kid to be neglecting, extra money for my birthday, yada yada. So I volunteered to work the 6th of July. The next week the over time became, "oh you can have a three day weekend instead." =( I just screwed myself into working two weekends in July now. And I just worked two weekends a month for the past 3 months beside that. =( At least 2 of those months are because I volunteered myself for it. Am I stupid or what? Pretty much. I'm doing my best to remember that it's not all about the money. But dammit! I also volunteered to work the 4th, and while it's time and a half for the whole day, it's really only an extra 4 hours since I have to take a day off during the week. Sometimes I wonder why this place is so damn tight with their payroll money. Other times I realize they are just being fiscally responsible. I'm still mad as hell. It's waning though. ------------------------------------------------------- Saturday, June 14th Title: Dr. Feelgood... That song pretty much will always remind me of the bomb shelter. Not a literal bomb shelter, but the apartment on campus that Jake and others live in...it always seemed to attract drama bombs..hence the bomb shelter naming. Erika contributed a fair amount to the drama, but it still gathered more. Lots of roommates, a few being teenagers? Drama central. Throw Mouse in there and you are screwed. There was no way to avoid it. Sometimes I just watched, sometimes I involved myself..like dating Ted after dating Jake...that was dumb. The kid went with Jake and Karen this morning, and it's been quiet pretty much ever since. I thought about taking a nap, but Ben had other ideas and so I didn't nap. Now I'm too busy playing Mario 3 to care. Something about my kid being gone makes me want to play video games. Perhaps I'm going through withdrawal? Also, I cleaned the bathroom this morning...at least the messiest part, the toilet. And I even showered, so not only is my house clean, but I'm clean too! *gasp* It's rare for me to be that motivated, but I really like how clean my house is. All signs point to a party. My neighbor has moved out, so I can have a semi loud party and no one would care, plus my house is CLEAN. Sadly, I don't throw parties well, so I probably won't, but whatever. I still don't have any real concrete plans for my birthday. Most people will be being hippies at the country fair during the day, but if anyone has an idea or a plan, or hell, even a party that night, let me know. I'd love to get out and be social. All right, back to Mario and old school Madonna on the radio. lol! ------------------------------------------------------- Friday, June 13th Title: It’s Quite Fitting With All The Prince Talk Lately... LOL! I read blogs...if that is not already glaringly obvious, well I guess I'm sorry. Also, if you hate blogs, quit reading here. I just like to read about people..I always have. Real life has become a lot more fascinating than fiction books to me. I lol'ed at this... and I'm not even exaggerating here. Julie really has a way with words. Background? Infertile..had a hell of a birth last time around, is experiencing a somewhat more "normal" pregnancy this time around, hopefully that sets the tone. ------------------------------------------------------- Friday, June 13th Title: A formal dress and a blow torch...the perfect accessory? I have to say that I think it is. If people get stupid, you can just torch them. And often people are stupid at school dances. lol. I've been very on top of things today. 1. I got through most of Derek's clothes to sort out the too small stuff. 2. I got laundry in to take care of the rest. 3. I got the living room awesomely clean and even vacuumed! 4. I cleaned the kitchen, dishes, sweeping and mopping...twice on the last two. It's been too long since I did both, so I wanted to make sure it was REALLY clean. lol. 5. In the meantime, I even managed to add 4 cds into iTunes. I apparently didn't add my country into iTunes. It's rare that I feel the need to listen to country, so I guess I neglected to add that music. It's all in there now. I realized I really like Pam Tillis...I had no idea that a lot of my girl country songs that I downloaded were her...or Mary Chapin Carpenter. 6. Folded Laundry. 7. After I got everything done, I even had time to do my favorite thing. I watched "Night of the Creeps" and it was just as fantastic as I remember. It had all the elements of a bad 80's horror movie. With a few pleasant things I had forgotten. The self awareness that I love so much...like when a character from the movie says something to the effect of "that only happens in horror movies"..this was far more tongue in cheek and I appreciate it when movies make fun of themselves. Beyond all of that, there was even a life lesson thrown in there. (from the guy with the crutches)...if you don't make fun of life, it gets too depressing. Yes, I quite agree. Life can be quite ridiculous. And the requisite boobs. You have to have boobs in an eighties horror movie. All in all? I would recommend this movie to anyone. I'm even going to try and trick Ben into watching it. I think he would think it was funny, right down to the cheesy cop line of "Thrill Me" whenever he felt like it. I think I might start using that...Thrill Me. Perhaps it will get some good responses. =) All in all? Not the best way to spend a vacation day, but things had to be done, and at least my house is super clean. =) Besides the bathroom which will be conquered tomorrow. ------------------------------------------------------- Thursday, June 12th Title: Of course I get my news from Adult Swim First of all, I have one more month of 27!
Adult Swim just told me something that made my day. A few months ago, I went to Dooce.com to read my daily Dooce and she mentioned how Prince pretty much rocked a Radiohead "Creep" cover. Not my favorite song by any means, but I do love Prince. At one point I owned Purple Rain on cassette and on CD. And the movie. So I went looking for this song, but by the time I got to it, Prince had much a huge goddamn fuss and YouTube had to take it down. Adult Swim just told me that Thom Yorke of Radiohead has told them to use it, it's their song, not Prince's. We'll see if this really works, but you can bet your ass I'll be looking for the video later. Maybe it will be awesome, maybe it will be anticlimatic. Maybe it's something that was better live? The world may never know, much like how many licks it takes to get to the center of the lollipop. The only version I could find was nothing impressive, but that could be due to quality.
I'm doing as many as I can while Ben is occupied with dinner. Maybe I'll catch up, maybe not. I didn't realize I was THIS far behind. =( -------------------------------------------------------- Monday, June 9th Title: Do you really expect anything less than randomness from me? At least this one will be quick and probably not make your head hurt. 1. I've bribed my kid. I told him if he can keep his tooth together for a YEAR, I will buy him a scooter. I'm not even kidding. If bribing will work, I'm all for it. Something has to make me less freaked out about this shit. Joking about it should help. 2. I just now felt a hair tickle my hand and I immediately thought, SPIDER! Except I was going to the bathroom and if spiders are coming out of my pants, I have much bigger problems then my kid's tooth falling off. 3. I just went looking for any old blogspot picture blog I made up having to do with the chest area, and sadly, I can not find it anywhere. You suck blogspot. 4. I have a rather lot of pictures I could add to my NSFW MySpace page idea. Now I just have to see if I really care..or if other people really care. lol. -------------------------------------------------------- Monday, June 9th Title: I had a brief thought today... Or rather a more complex one. I've been adding people to my MySpace, and not really thinking.. Like work people. Which is fine and all, but then I realized that I had some half naked girlies on my page. Not something I should probably prance around work-related people. My love for the female form isn't something I should just pronouce to everyone. Especially some people who I work with. In Eugene, most people are fairly open minded, but there are still a few who aren't. I'm surprised I get away with being as pierced as I am...and they would be friendly if I was "gay" (what a word, I can't think of something better though!), they've been friendly to others, but I think they would not be as inclusive. God it sucks that I have to play that game around others sometimes. I realized that other day that I don't have a sexual persona at work. I can drop my guard around some people..but it's rare, and this whole idea is weird to me. I've always been a fairly open person, fairly risque when I am allowed to be...and I've toned it down. A LOT. But my pictures on MySpace were worrying me, so I took them down. The one of Camryn, and the .gif I had up about spankings. Plus some others. So my thought was briefly toying with the idea of starting a more excluded MySpace where I can put the weird things that appeal to me, sexual or not. Maybe even a clevage picture *gasp*. But that feels like copying, cause I know this person who made up a fantastic page, put up super cute pictures, and I'd just feel like a big copier. Plus...um, I'm not classy like that. I'm low on class. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind..but meh. I'm not just a pin up type of girl. I guess it's bothering me a bit right now. I'd like to be able to pull off a cute, classy, sexy picture..instead of full on sex. But I'm as much of a boy as I am a girl, so perhaps my work is even more cut out for me than I think. I live in jeans, I don't own high heels (I'm a walking accident people!), t-shirts make me happy, and I'm not much for cute clothes shopping. Don't get me wrong, I have a few cute things, just not as many as my mind would like. Which is ridiculous really, cause 1. it's expensive to have really nice clothing that I would probably take as little care of as the clothing I have now, 2. I'd actually have to SHOP to find the stuff and I hate shopping (there's the boy in me coming out), 3. did I mention it's expensive? But it would be glorious to come home and show off something that made Ben's jaw drop. I found some boots once that would have done the trick nicely, but they did not fit, so no luck there. I guess I'm lamenting the fact that I'm so un-girly today. I'm still as sarcastic as ever, so that's something. Additionally, I think a lot of this has to do with my perception of me lately. I rather like the way my body feels when I run a hand down my leg or something, but then I take a picture and I dislike the way it looks. WTF? That doesn't even make sense. I'm liking the muscles I can feel underneath the layer of skin, I guess? I dunno. Tomorrow, I'm off to the doctor again. Time for my next depo shot. I may lose my freaking mind if I've gained weight with the amount of energy I've put into not gaining. (see? more censoring...I never say FREAKING out loud when I am around my friends...I use more vulgar terms. Again, I have little class, I already told you.) I know, it's all a number on a scale, but that doesn't mean I can't make myself a little more muscled and enjoy the curves that accompany it. -------------------------------------------------------- Friday, June 6th Title: Ester is famous...or at least she should be.. Jenn and I went out tonight. I got to hot tub, and I am so happy. The hotness and the ability to get my whole body under water? Something else entirely. Wish I could have a hot tub at my house, but no such luck. lol. We went cheese shopping too, and not only did I get Dutch, I got TWO coffees cause the guy made Jenn's wrong. I'm all sorts of wacked out on caffeine now and I'm having these fantastic cucumber burps from the sushi. lol! All in all, a very good "date", and I even got some free computer time cause the boys are still gone. I've uploaded a new video of Ester...we'll see if the embedding works this early in the game. I <3 Ester.
And she <3's her bo bo. I've also added some photos. And some new friends! Woot! -------------------------------------------------------- Thursday, June 5th Title: Efforts made on my mini-weekend I worked today. Right off the bat, something was wrong. Hah. I dealt with it and silently (not so silently now) marveled over how I just did what I needed. Not so long ago, I just would have been dumbfounded and maybe even crying over such a problem. Without being able to figure out how to deal with it. Instead, I even tried to make my very own spreadsheet to be able to work with. It worked a little bit, but not entirely. Luckily, by the time I needed it, the problem was resolved and I was able to use our beloved already made spreadsheet. I'm pretty sure I would not have been able to copy it precisely, not in a day. I probably could have figured it out in the long run, but it would have taken more than a day. My name tag should say "Excel master" instead of "Invoice M@ster" the way I'm feeling today. I even saved my tentative spreadsheet to marvel at later.
My stomach is sore today. Too full of gas. I've been eating badly. I'm sure everyone wanted to know that. I was lazy Friday night and did mostly nothing. It felt better for my leg to do mostly nothing. The boys got home kind of late for them, Ben had tied for 1st place. Which is awesome. For him. All I know is that means he got some cards. Then they were up and raring to go on Saturday. I was a bit disconcerted. I think Ben forgot that I had to work today, and I certainly forgot that they can go during the day on Saturdays now. I got rather grumpy. My leg was still hurting, my boyfriend couldn't wait to get out of bed (not usually the case on the weekend...*wink), and the mail came super early. Which meant I had to walk down to Fred Meyers on my gimpy leg to put the rent in the mailbox. I grumped at him, he and Derek left, and I decided I'd have my coffee and try to watch a horror movie. Why not, huh? Fear net on demand had some free stuff I'd actually wanted to see. Like Hostel and The Black Dahlia (though not really the one I thought it was..some other super weird thing) so I picked Hostel and pressed play. SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!
When it got to the toe cutting part, I hit stop. I couldn't deal. A lot of T&A to begin with, and it was nice looking, but DAMN. It brought to mind instantly the ear thing from Reservoir Dogs. I can't watch that scene either, and yet I really like the song during that part. I decided that I should not be such a baby about it and I turned it back on and fast forwarded a bit. I lasted until about 45 minutes into it. When the guy got out the drill, I couldn't deal. I turned it off and I have not tried to watch the rest. Ben has said he WILL NOT watch it, so I probably won't watch the rest either. Oh well. No luck on that one. Maybe I'll find something better later. I tried watching The Black Dahlia, but when I realized it wasn't the one I wanted to see, I gave up on it too. To much creepy laughing. So my efforts were not rewarded, and I just went to the store instead. I started this Sunday...I'm finishing it Thursday...sorry for the non continuity. Anything that reads weird is because of that. Pretend it's Sunday? Or perhaps we'll just chalk it up to life being strange and all the bullshit that's gone on this week. --------------------------------------------------------
(Editor's note:I'm going to do these backwards, so that the newest are on top and the oldest are on the bottom. Just like if I'd really blogged them. At least I'm going to try to. So go down to the bottom first. Now I'm even confusing myself..perhaps I should put the oldest at the top? No fuck that, I already have it straight in my head the other way. Now that I'm done arguing with myself, scroll down, scroll down, fresh cup, fresh cup! /edit.) -------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday, June 03 Title: Derek tried to "marry" Jake and I again It will not be long at all before we get the harder questions, for now he merely assumes that we MUST have been married to have a baby. I've told him more than once that I was not married to his dad, but it doesn't seem to stick. This last time, he may have merely been trying to get me to buy his dad's "Father's Day card". I guess it irks me a bit to have to spend money, and I have yet to get a "Mother's day card", so wth? Ah, such is life with children. He could make a card, but he doesn't like that idea. The conversation went something like this: D = "I want to get the exact same card for my dad that Ben got for his dad." Me = "I suppose you want me to buy it then?" D = "Did you buy Ben's Dad's card?" Me = "Yes, but Ben's dad is a lot closer to being somewhat of my father then your dad is." D = "But isn't he like..your husband or something?" Me = "No, not at all. We weren't married. We lived together, but never got married." It just went on and on from there. He then verified that even though we don't live together now, Jake is STILL his dad. I tried to take the easier road and explain that we both MADE him, and therefore, he is always our child, but that doesn't make Jake and I related. I think he may still be confused. I'm doing my damndest to keep the child as innocent as I can for as long as I can. Maybe that's sheltering him too much, but I don't like the alternative. I was aware of "things" for what seems like forever, and I made many off color remarks that other people's parents would look at me weirdly for. I like the innocence. But he has developed somewhat of an interest in the chest area of girls. Not like he stares or anything, but he glances and then looks confused. This is promising to be a super fun time for me. /sarcasm. Just kidding, it all comes with the territory. For now, I know that he knows he was made in my stomach and that they cut him out of there. (I use that to tell him to stop doing this or that to himself. Like bonking himself in the head. I'll be like..I MADE that body and you need to stop hurting it! Yes, I've become THAT kind of mother.) Maybe that part is what confuses him. He doesn't necessarily know about how girl parts are different as much. He has a little sister, but he just always makes a face and runs away when her diaper is changed. Meh. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The thing I shall stress is protection. We do not need to continue the family legacy of teen pregnancy that Jake and I started. I'm so often confused and amazed at all the little things that go into child rearing. And the not so little things. All the different aspects to look at. -------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday, June 3 Title: YAY It was actually a simple fix, and my garage is no longer dripping water. YAY! Bad news for today? Ben is descending into sick hell (boy he HATES being sick, but so do I), and I forgot my allergy medicine. On top of my own becoming sick, this should be entertaining. Yay for sneezing on top of being stuffy. Maybe I'll be all sorts of gross and full of green nastiness. lol! I just hope I don't want to claw my face off by the end of the day. -------------------------------------------------------------- Tuesday, June 3 Title: Double goddamn boo My garage is dripping. I'm waiting for the dreams to come back. I used to live in the crappiest apartment ever where the roof would leak when it rains. Which is often in Oregon, for those who don't know. I finally managed to get the hell out of those apartments and the bad dreams about the leaking ceilings finally stopped, and now something is causing a puddle and dripping on the floor of my garage. =(
My landlord is much better than the last one, I have no doubt it will be fixed ASAP, it's just that I can't quite believe it has to be WATER dripping. REALLY? It couldn't be like...I don't even know, but something besides dripping water. It's more than likely a plumbing issue. I am full of hate for dripping water. And scared to use my water for fear that it's a burst pipe that all the water seems to run through. Thank god for Ben, cause he was the one who saw how bad it was last night, and started moving boxes out of the way at 1:30 in the morning. Have I mentioned lately that my boyfriend is awesome? I freak out, and he just does what needs to be done and makes sure our stuff doesn't get horribly wet. I didn't sleep well. And I think I'm getting a cold. While water and me are usually friends, I kind of hate it right now. -------------------------------------------------------------- Monday, June 02 Title: Independence at it’s finest.
I apologize for the shakiness. I hadn't even had coffee yet. lol. Actually, it's because I tried to zoom in close and the camera doesn't do too well with that. I look like I have cerebral palsy, but it's really cause the zooming in makes it less focused. If you can't see it, that's too bad, cause it's really something else. And now we've moved even farther back on the street, so you really couldn't see if I tried to take a video of it. Basically? This is all you get. I'd say wait until you have children, but mine is pretty much one of a kind. He told me the other day that he doesn't understand how cartoons can have a hand go through one hole, and come out another hole in an entirely different place. I laughed inwardly and then said...well, because it's a cartoon. You can draw it anywhere you want to. =) He's a blast usually. We made faces last night, as in drew faces on a piece of paper and I drew crazy eyes. Then Ben drew Paris Hilton eyes, and Derek tried to copy him. Then he tried to copy me, so I drew a talking balloon and wrote "I hate it when Derek copies me". Ha ha. He copies me anyhow and then drew this coming out of it's mouth..*fart*. When I asked him what he meant, he said he meant like blowing a raspberry. I explained that of course that is spelled like "phbbt". At least in Calvin and Hobbes world. LOL. All right, I must stop writing, I need to clock in from lunch now. This has been your Derek lunch (half) hour. -------------------------------------------------------------- Friday, May 29th Title: "I’m super, thanks for askin’"
I just now figured out who I lost from my top friends. I'll admit that it took me a damn long time to figure it out, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out. The key? Drinking rum and cokes, apparently, cause it just came to me finally. It was like that annoying "tip of your tongue" thing for days and just now it finally came out. Hurray. I feel better. It's always awesome when my memory actually succeeds for me. What's funny is that my boss will tell me things to make sure that I remind her to do them. At work my memory is key and my boss has even said.."thank god for your young memory" before. Indeed, I do have multitudes of vendor numbers stuck inside my head. It's like a game I play with myself. I don't quite make people quiz me, but people ask all the same and I can usually provide the right number...along with people's extensions on the phone lines. Yeah. Ok, so I'm weird. And number oriented. If I assigned everyone of my MySpace friends a number (how freaking ridiculous does that sound? Like I'm my own company or some such bullshit), I'd realize who went missing long before now. I just needed to share my relief at finally being able to figure out who dropped from my list. Now I need to add another person to my "top" friends. Which is almost as ridiculous sounding as me being my own business, but whatever. I'll have to think on it. P.S. The Car's greatest hits album may be my most favorite greatest hits album...and I have quite a few. What can I say? I'm fickle with music. I have to admit that I totally love "My Best Friend's Girl"...which is probably inappropriate as I've dated "best" friends and my own eyes...while not suede blue, are a blue. Ack. Whatever. No regrets and all that. Enough of my randomness. -------------------------------------------------------------- Friday, May 29th Title: So, this may be a stupid idea..
But I decided to blog. After having a couple of drinks. I'll tell you something, it's the best painkiller I could want. I know my leg is better today. But it's still alarmingly hard to lift that leg. Who knew it took so much effort to clear little messes on the floor? I'm definitely limping. Poop. I'm hoping it'll be even better tomorrow, and maybe even more like normal sometime into next week. I will be babying it, of course. When did I turn into that person? The one who babies injuries instead of just being like...fuck it, I got it. I used to just be somewhere near offended when people would offer help. I'd bring out my "I'm not an invalid" speech, but now I'm just like...dammit. Maybe I'm too old for that? Who knows. Still have no idea what I'm doing exactly for my birthday, but I'm going to make sure I get to the ocean. Even if I have to bribe someone. The ocean and me have to be together. Someone died this past weekend. While I was on vacation. The lesson? When I go on vacation, people die. I'll have to aim better next time. This guy was nice enough, though I didn't know him well. He died from drowning. In the ocean. My favorite place to be. It's screwing with my head, I'll admit that. The ocean kills? I guess I didn't realize. I suppose what it should really bring to mind is that you need to have proper respect for the ocean. It's hard for me, I make a beeline for the water each time. Even if no one comes with me, I WILL be going in as deep as I possibly can. And it's never got me. I know a sneaker wave grabbed my relatives one time, luckily no one was hurt, but for all my stupidness, I've never had a problem with the ocean. It's probably a good thing I never made it down to the beach during the ocean overnight trip. Who knows what I might have done in the moonlight, where it was hard to see. March or not. I may have gone in anyhow. I'm like that. Ok, enough of the emo. I have a new picture. It's Deanna and me at work. Her last day, and I actually like this picture. It's rare that I like my pictures, but this one is rocking. (only on MySpace, cause I'm a myspace whore. Ask if'n you want to see it.) Deanna has left the building as they say. We'll always have MySpace. I worry that I'm becoming too immune to people leaving. I'm such an easy crier and yet I didn't. Maybe it's because I know I'll see her again? Yes, I am wearing an Oregon Ducks t-shirt. I have way too many. People tease me about them, but it's an easy way to get away with wearing a t-shirt to work. So there. Apparently, I'm getting into the belligerent stage, so I shall go now. Wish me luck on my leg feeling better. =) -------------------------------------------------------------- Thursday, May 29th Title: BOO!
Why is it that whenever someone drops off my MySpace friends, I can't seem to figure out who the hell it is?
Ok, so maybe with some people it makes sense, but not my top friends. You'd think I'd be so on top of my top friends that I would always know who dropped off the list. I'm aggravated. I want to know now!
You know how I was going to keep up on this? Well, yeah, about that...
I'm going to put in some posts to catch up. I'm not going to make a separate entry for each. I may do a weekly thing to get caught up.
I'm sorry Ariel, I think you are probably the only person who really reads this anymore...well, and Jenn too, but Jenn also reads MySpace, so she keeps up between the two.
Ariel - I post for you, ok? Just not right now. I must clock back in from lunch.
